1.23.2014

Today I did Nothing

I haven't blogged in a while because I feel like there has to be something interesting that happens for me to blog about. But let's face it, my life is pretty.... {depending on the moment this word can change; boring, exiting, amazing, lame, rewarding, sacrificial- the list goes on}

But today, and most everyday, I've done nothing. When I say that I've done nothing of course I don't mean that I laid in bed in a vegetable-like state, or I spent the day wasting away in front of the television. What I mean is that all I've done are little thing's that at the end of the day when my husband asks me what I've done melt away and I respond with "nothing."

Today I read this blog post and it resonated with me, I felt like I could have written it, exept that I just have one child and I don't live in a residence large enough to permit stairs. So I took a microscope to my day to figure out, what it is that I need a break from. This is what I've come up with, something's are my duty while other's are my privilege, often thing's that are duties one day are privileges the next or vise-versa

What "Nothing" consists of:
  • waking up, not because I'm ready or my body is ready to, but because I'm needed elsewhere.
  • Nursing every 3-4 hours (thankfully we're no longer in the 2.5-3 hour blocks)
  • Changing a diaper for the umpeeth time that day 
  • Wiping spit up off of Ian, myself, the couch, the floor 
  • Acting as a carnival ride or jungle gym
  • preparing a meal or snack (x2or3)
  • cleaning the meal or snack off the floor, high-chair, child, and wherever else it may have ended up.(x2or3)
  • Convincing Ian to take a nap and taking one myself, again waking up when Ian needs me to. 
  • Read/talk to Ian: "ball. that's your ball." "pppfffffttttt." "that's Jesus. this is Moses" and some of the more common phrases, "no, Ian, that's not for you." "not in your mouth" "gentle, be gentle"....
  • pick-up just because he's tired of being on the ground or need's an extra cuddle.
  • Wipe snotty nose
  • play tickle monster/ Imma get you! and patty cake
  • wipe away the tears after a rough tumble or disappointing moment.
  • chores- if I'm lucky or particularly determined
  • work-out/shower (either after bed time or while dodging a particularly curious baby)
  • make dinner
  • Bath time
  • Wrestle Ian into clean jams and get ready for bed
  • clean up after dinner (honestly, this doesn't always happen until the next day)
While I am very glad that I am able to stay at home and that I don't HAVE to work and that I get to have precious moment's with my boy, I am mostly glad becuase of what it mean's for him. I'm glad he has a mom and dad that are concerned with how his day's are spent. But I'm also sorry that these duties and privileges melt down to "nothing" becuase this is my world. I'm sorry that sometimes I throw myself a pity party because I feel bored, or frustrated, or under-appreciated.

10.24.2013

My Conversion Story: work in progress

It always happens. When ever other Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) find out that I'm a convert, they want to know my "story." So here it is.

I was first introduced to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints through my life-long friend Hannah and her family. They were my next door neighbors when I was two and stayed there till I was 16. When my parents got divorced and my home stopped feeling like a home, I went to theirs and things where better. As long as I have had memories they were there, and still are. 

Periodically throughout my childhood I would go to church with Hannah. I liked Sunday school because the teacher was fun and that long quiet meeting wasn't so awful, at least they had songs. But Primary, Primary was awful. Everytime they would ask who was a visitor and then they would sing to you. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I was a shy kid. I was comfortable being invisible- want me to feel welcome? treat me the same as everyone else. Besides, how many times does a kid have to show up before they stop being a visitor? I vote once. After being sung to one time too many, I told Hannah to let me know when she get's into Young Women's, I'm out.

A few years later it was time for Young Women's. And Girls Camp. And Mutual. Yes, I could get used to Young Women's, and I did. (It helped that they never singled me out and sung at me.) There I made a few more friends and by the time I got to High School, they were my best friends. Hannah and I went to different High schools for the first 3 years so I had to branch out a bit anyways. 

Also when high school started I began going to seminary, to learn more I guess. If you were to ask me then why, as a non-member, I still woke up for early morning seminary I would have shrugged and said something like, "I dunno, cuz I want to." Now looking back I can tell you that it was because starting everyday learning about the gospel just felt right. 

By the time my Sophomore year was wrapping up I realized that I was no longer just going to church and seminary and mutual because that's where my friends where, I was going because this was the true church. I'll say that again, THE true church; not just a true church but the one and only. I also realized that now, with the infinite wisdom that come with being 16 years old, I had a decent chance of talking my dad into letting me get baptized, after all I had been "investigating" for over a decade. 

I went over to Hannah's, which was now across town instead of across the yard, and started taking the missionary discussions from Elder Hulse and Elder Kunz. We made it through one, maybe two discussions before they called their mission president and told him I could probably teach them the discussions and to ask if it was OK to baptize me without finishing them. Sure enough, I was baptized in a white dress on April 7th 2007. Later I would go through the temple and be sealed to my husband for eternity wearing that same white dress. 

So that's it; that's how I was baptized. But that's not the end of my conversion story. No one's conversion is finished when they come up from the water. Conversion is coming to know Christ. I know Him better now than I ever have, but not nearly as well as I mean to. It's a process that will take me the rest of my life, and I look forward to it. 


p.s. you should watch this. 
 

10.04.2013

I wanted him so much that I have come to need him.

When I first met Ben I was, what I would classify as fiercely independent. I did my very best not to rely on anyone for anything too important. Fast forward almost three years later; I'm sitting in our tiny apartment that we have lived in together for the past two and a half years, taking care of our six month old son, and procrastinating housework. Tomorrow, you'll find me doing the exact same thing. And the next day. And the next day. (maybe somewhere in there I'll stop procrastinating the housework-maybe.) All the while my dearest husband is out there working 15 hour days to meet our little families needs and to finish school so that he can continue to do so as our family grows into a not-so-little family.  

You see, before I actually knew Ben I guess I just wanted a husband to grow old with, someone to live life alongside (granted it would be an eternal life), and share memories and children with. I thought that was what marriage was. Then I met him, then I fell in LOVE with him. After that- the idea of just living parallel to him could never be enough. I wanted to be with him and be connected to him in a way I'm not sure there are even words to describe. I wanted our lives to be embedded in each others in a way covalent bonds wouldn't even compare! 

Today I happened across this article. It talks about how men have a tendency to make themselves needed because (subconciously or otherwise) they don't believe that they're wanted. It is written on a "men's blog" as though it is a men's issue, and I guess in the sense that it's an issue that men have, it is. However, why do you suppose that men have trouble believing they're not wanted- that they're only a creature of necessity? I can only speculate that the answer is because we (women) have done or not done something to make them feel that way. Or perhaps because the desire to be needed is in their divine nature? Hum. Yes, I think I like that answer better. But that's not to say that the women in their lives shouldn't be involved- quite the contrary.

In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." we can read (among other things) that "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." You see, I have loved being able to provide for myself, in fact it was a matter of pride with me and I have felt a little guilty the past 2 months for not bringing home a paycheck. It was hard for me to fall into being completely dependent on my wonderful husband to meet my needs because it put me in a vulnerable position; I don't know anyone that likes being vulnerable. 

I want to be better at relying on Ben because that is how I can sustain him as head of our household and develop a stronger foundation of trust in our marriage. I want him to be the best man he can be, and I want him to live up to all he can become. That starts by living up to his duties as a husband and father.

I want him embedded so badly in my life that I need him to take care of me and our family. I bet if you were to ask him, he would tell you that is what he wants as well. 


7.16.2013

Ramblage

I decided that I would write this quick blog post. I don't really know what about just yet, we'll just have to see what happens- the ultimate ramble. 

Today I counted. I only have to go to work 8 more times before I become a for-realsie SAHM (that means stay at home mom-for those of you that weren't in the know, now you are.) That's right ladies and gents, {although I'm pretty sure there are <5 gents that read my blog} I'm quitting my job to do... nothing. Or am I quitting my job to do everythin? I'm a little curious to see how I adjust from full time working mom to full time mom. I have a few projects to keep me occupied for the transition:
  1. Ian starting solid foods! 
  2. finish that blanket I started shortly after discovering I was pregnant.
  3. clean my filthy, grimy, yucky apartment. 
  4. feed my husband (and myself) actual meals. 
  5. paint my toesies. 
Not necessarily in that order. Actually if you just switch #2 and #3, I guess it is. Hopefully it occupies me enough that I don't drive anyone (namely Ben) insaine. 

Side note: I noticed that I interrupt myself A LOT.
Parentheses are my friend. 
Do you think this might be an early sign of mental instability,
or perhaps it's a indication of an active mind?
...Let's go with the latter.

Has anyone else noticed how AMAZING my husband is? I mean, dang! He's working and schooling at the same time so I can just focus on moming and wifeing. (yes, those are indeed verbs. At least now they are.) I don't really know many men that are selfless enough to do that. Then again, I don't really know many men. Plus he's hot, smart and funny. Yep, I got the whole package. (that feeling you have right now? That would be envy ;} )

I'm so excited, I'm going to use some of this time to find what I'm good at. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a great person, wife, mom... but I don't really know what THING I'm good at. You know? That probably, didn't make any sense. I kind of feel like a present that hasn't been unwrapped yet. Like, who doesn't love presents with the shiny paper, ribbons and bows and other glorious embellishments? Even with the fanciest paper and sparkiest extras, what really matters is what's inside of the present. I'm just excited to use the up coming years to see what's inside of this extremely physically attractive present ;)  Just kidding, I promise I'm not really that vain, I just couldn't resist; the metaphor was too good of a set up. 


oh look a cute baby:





6.26.2013

So Much For Sanity

You know how some times life just happens and it keeps happening and before you know it it's been two months since your last blog post? Well I sure do. I'm not even sure where to begin...

I suppose I'll start with the part where I went crazy. At the end of May my very best friend in the world got married, and you know I HAD to be there. However, since Ben is in school this semester and then there's always work to worry about, he wasn't able to make it. Which means it was just me and Ian (at three months old)...in a car... for 917 miles. Actually, it went better than you might think-still no peaches and cream, but we made it from A to B in a similar mental condition to when we left. Instead of putting him to bed at night in his bed I tucked him into his car seat and drove as far as I could only stopping for gas. Since he sleeps through the night pretty well I made it over half of the way before I had to do anything baby related. It ended up that the first time he woke up we had made it to my friend's house where she kindly let me take care of Ian, fed me and watched him while I caught up on a bit of sleep. The good news is that I had already been through the newborn stage with Ian so no sleep at all is really just a touch under what I was used to. After morning came is when things got rough. I had to stop every so often to feed him, meaning the second half of our journey took about twice as long (or more) than it should have. Then somewhere in the middle of the Arizona desert I had to pull over and try to calm Ian down. After that much time in a car seat I probably would have been screaming inconsolably for 20 minutes too. I figured out that singing hymns is the only way he would be in the carseat and happy content. After about the 80th time through  each of "families can be together forever,"  "a child's prayer," and "I love to see the temple" I pulled up to my in-laws with a very sore throat and heavy eyelids. The way back went much better in that it didn't take near as long and worse in that there was a $90 speeding ticket involved. ("Do you know how fast you were going?"... is that a trick question, officer?)  I was hoping Ian would start screaming his head off and the officer may have let me off with a warning, but of course he was happy as a clam, cooing and carrying on... figures

During the week that we were in Arizona, I reached the conclusion that being a single mom sucks. Now, since Ben is in school and works, he's not able to do a whole ton of stuff with Ian, but it's nice to be able to hand him off while I take an extra long bath or not having to change all of the diapers or having that extra pair of hands when I need to make the most an hour. Also, Ben is really awesome at carrying the carseat for me, I built some serious muscles during the week I had to do all the baby hauling. 

When we got back from Arizona I had one day to recover and then I started back to work. It's now been one month that I have been back and I hate it. I hate leaving the baby that I LOVE with all the fibers of my being to go and do a job that I am less than crazy about. My co-workers are still awesome, even though they're mostly different from the ones I left when I went on maternity leave. Almost everyday I come home and remind Ben about me wanting to quit my job- I'll wear him down soon enough. We never intended for me to return to work for very long, I just think we had different definitions of "not very long;" for me it was a few weeks, for Ben it was a few months. It's mostly so I can pay off all of the insurance premiums that didn't get deducted from the paychecks I wasn't earning on maternity leave. I'm starting to wonder if insurance is even worth having... Someday when I don't work anymore I'll be able to clean my apartment and possibly even cook meals again! Back before I was a mom, I always thought that I would want to be a working mom, because staying at home, and "not doing anything" would drive me nuts. I was wrong- so very, very wrong. After having maternity leave and returning to work again I can now say that there is no job or career that can ever measure up to being the person that is here to take care of my home and my young family.

Anywho! That's life lately. Nothing too exciting I know, but really, what where you expecting?

{Moral Of the Story
Don't go back to work after having a baby, it will just break your heart.  

4.30.2013

Parenthood

Now, I've only been a mom for about two months, so please understand that I do not claim to be an expert in this area at all. One time, while holding my new son, I found myself thinking about things that good parents do or, equally important I think, things that they do NOT do. I've come to just a few conclusions and I thought that I might share them with you for no other reason than this is my blog and I'll do with it what I please. :) 

I believe that every interaction that we have with our children we are teaching them something, intentional or otherwise. Now, maybe that something is that they should clean their room or maybe that something is that when you would like someone to complete a task (such as...oh I don't know: cleaning their room) the most effective way to do so is to yell and scream and get all huffy. I know you're probably thinking that is most certainly not the best way to get an individual to do something. But, if you review, I never said that the things we teach our children are always going to be correct. Therefore, it is crucial that we live the kind of lives we expect them to live; no more of the "Do as I say, not as I do."

I also believe that how we interact with others (our children included) effects their sociability. If we are constantly setting and example of patience or otherwise, I believe that our children will either follow suit or always live in a manner that is reactive to their experiences. For example, a child that is constantly being yelled at for one thing or another could grow to easily loose their temper with others or may also grow to shy away from people in anticipation of being at the wrong end of a temper tantrum. I'm not sure that anyone want's either for their child. 

I firmly believe that the most important skill we can teach our children is how to make good choices. My biggest goal as a mother is to raise children that can go out into the world and succeed. I don't mean that I expect, when I'm through, they'll get every promotion or have a 9 figure income. What I mean by succeed is that they will live a happy, well-adjusted life in which they can clearly decide between good and bad, good and better, and better and best. I want my children to CHOOSE the best. Someday when Ian is all grown up and living on his own he is going to have to make some choices. Some of these choices are going to be hard, and I'm not going to be there to forbid the wrong decision or force the right one. So while he's here, in my care, I'll do my best to equip him with what he needs to face those challenges. I'll help him to practice making decisions and living with the consequences for better or worse. 

With that said, I know there will be situations that he'll want to make a poor decision and there will be times when he doesn't realize how severe a consequence will be. In these rare times parents ought to decide on their behalf. I suppose the challenge here is knowing when to intervene and when to let them chart their own path. 

MORAL OF THE STORY
Good parenting is acting intentionally.     

4.19.2013

Oh Baby Baby!

Can we talk for a minute about how ADORABLE my baby is? Seriously, if you don't want to hear me brag on Ian for the remainder of this post, I'd like to direct you to the red 'x' in the upper right hand corner of this screen (upper left if your a Mac user). OK sure; sometimes he wails and screams and keeps me up all hours of the night, and maybe he scratches me with his baby razor claws while he is nursing. But the rest of the time he is the cutest little bug, I really can't get enough! I am so very in love.

I submit for your approval exhibit A:

And he was only 3 days old!
From there it really only got better. He is getting such a personality! He is growing up so much too. He can hold his own head up for a good long time as long as there is something interesting to look at. 

exhibit B:
please note the chunky baby double chin
Yet through it all he remains the same sweet baby.

exhibit C:
6 and a halfish weeks old
For further evidence see my instagram or facebook profiles.

I love in the morning when I get him out of his bed to feed him he always tells me about how very hungry he is by putting both of his hands (or mittens) in front of his mouth and makes a growling/grunting sound as though he is in fact SO HUNGRY he will eat his own hands. Or sometimes how he will get one random hiccup, that sounds more like a single bark from a little yappy dog, that will startle him and he will look around as if to say "whoa! what the heck was THAT?" 

While I am so happy and blessed to watch him grow and explore the world around them, a part of me wants him to stay a little baby forever. Of course, not the part of me that changes the diapers. I hope that many of our friends and family get the chance to meet him before he grows out of this precious age. We will be on tour in Arizona at the end of May, so fear not. 


{Moral of the Story}
 I have a REALLY cute baby boy.
 

2.27.2013

Bring on the baby

On Tuesday I had my 38 week appointment to check and see how things are going. Well, they're going. Or so I thought. 

As of Tuesday morning I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. Cool beans right? So then I went to work and shortly thereafter started having pretty regular contractions that were a quite a bit stronger than what I had grown accustomed to with Brackston Hicks. I have to say, I was getting pretty stoked. In pain and discomfortable maybe; but it was a means to an end. 

Fast forward through my whole workday, all night, and the whole next work day: still contracting...still pregnant. I gotta say there's nothing quite like an 8 hour work shift while in labor. Except for two 8 hour work days with little sleep in between.  At my most productive I think I'm almost half as efficient as I otherwise have been. Unless I'm having a contraction, then all productivity immediately ceases.  Why not just go home you ask? Good question, I guess it's because slow help is better than no help (win for the co-workers) and being on my feet might make him actually be born sometime this century (win for me) plus it gets my mind off of things a little. I'm terrible at doing nothing. 

That's not to say there aren't things I should be doing (like statistics homework or studying for that test I have coming up way too soon). I just prefer to pretend  those obligations don't exist. Grocery shopping and blog posts about still being pregnant are a much better waste use of my time and energy.


{moral of the story}
This kid doesn't really want to be born.

2.19.2013

Anticipation

I could tell there were a few people that were wondering if I had my baby yet because I noticed a jump in my statistics when I logged on to write this post, glad to know I'm not the only one that's feeling a little (OK maybe a lot) antsy. Also, I hate to break it to you but I'm not sure that blogging will be the first thing I do after I deliver -I'll want to shower first I'm sure.

Alas. Still pregnant. I have a feeling that he wont make me wait till March 11th, but who knows; with the way this pregnancy has been going, and with how much I've been loving it, (p.s. for the entirety of this post this will be the sarcastic font.I'll get to carry him even longer. That would just be my luck right?

Oh, so here is me at 37 weeks and 1 day. 
I think I look less blimp-like in maternity clothes. note: next pregnancy wear them more.
 In other news, we have accomplished much good this week. If our little boy comes, they will let us take him home because we just picked up our car seat and stroller, and he will have a place of his own to sleep, AND -ok that's it really but that's all that was really holding us back. I have a free (well freeish, thank you insurance) breast pump on the way. That's all the big stuff taken care of! Of course by big I mean expensive, and I guess they are all fairly bulky items.

Oh! And my mom gets here in TWO days! woo hoo!! I hope he comes soon after that so that my mom doesn't have to sit around and twiddle her thumbs because Ben and I are really not that entertaining to live with. 

 Random Story to Illustrate my Discomfort
Whilst at work one day, I had an older gentleman ask me how far along I was. I responded and told him that I was nearly 36 weeks (at the time, that's where I was at.) He replied with "oh, so you're starting to get to the really uncomfortable stage." I said "yep, getting there..." But inside I had a metal meltdown, Inside I was thinking "Getting there?... Getting there? No sir! I. HAVE. ARRIVED. been here for some time now."  
 Hum... I know there was something else I wanted to mention but I can't think of it... I wonder if my brain cells will return once I'm no longer a parasitic host. Don't get me wrong, He's a cute little parasite that I prayed for and am so glad I am able to have, but it's time to vacate the premises

 

1.21.2013

Getting there...

So I realized that this year is gunna be a doozy! Mostly just the next couple of months. Not only we expecting a little boy but there's work and school and the regular "life" things.... I don't know what I was thinking taking on everything, after all, I'm only two people! (I may have been saving up that joke for a while...) Actually it shouldn't be all that bad. I'm only taking two online classes and as soon as the little one decides to make his way into the world I'll have maternity leave, plus my mom is going to come up around the time Bebe comes to  help with the little "life" things for a while. I would say I've got it pretty good. 

Now all we have to do is get ready for him and pick a name. Ben knows what he would name him and I know what I would name him. Sadly, they are not the same names... awkward parental moments already- awesome

In other news: I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant with the HULK. Not because he's green or particularly large- at least, I don't think he's green... the ultrasound wasn't in color. But what leads me to this conclusion is that he is mighty! For reals, after he has been particularly "active" I'm sore in that one spot! Parental abuse maybe? At least he seems to be healthy, that's what's most important.

I also made Ben buy a daddy book so that I would feel like he was being more proactive. Actually he just picked a gender neutral baby prep book, but I'll take what I can get. (Thanks for humoring me, babe.) The other night after I noticed he was reading it I asked what he's learned about being a dad so far and he said that most of what he read doesn't really apply to him yet. I was a little put out until he told me it was because it was about breastfeeding, I guess he doesn't have the proper anatomy for that, so I got over it. 

I don't think that any baby shower invitations got mailed out to people that aren't in Rexburg or maybe they got lost in the mail or something. Either way- I'm sorry if you have been waiting outside your mailbox everyday only to find your mail person greet you with bills and ads instead of cute blue invitations. Please accept this digital version instead:

Also, here is another link to the universal baby registry, not that I've learned anything new about bottles or bedding.

We also took some maternity pictures when I was nearly 32 weeks along. Feel free to gush. If anyone in the Rexburg area is looking for a good Photographer I highly recommend Natasha.  Natasha's Website.




favorite

we were trying to make a heart...

other favorite

















I told Ben I wouldn't put some of them on here (like this one) welp, I lied.

I look a little uncomfortable, that's pregnancy for you though! plus that duck is dang cute.



{Moral of the Story}

I'm still Pregnant, but I think I'll make it...

1.04.2013

Elephant sized

This week Ben and I got back from Arizona where we spent Christmas with our families. :) I love that place so much! And to think, when I was in High School I thought anywhere else would be better. So I was wrong. It's been known to happen! 

Another awesome thing that happened this week was I hit the 3/4 mark. WooHoo! I have 9 weeks and some change left in this pregnancy. Maybe I'll make it after all. I still feel like I have everything left to do before Jr. arrives though. We have almost no baby stuff. Not even a single diaper. We're going to make such wonderful parents, don't you think? I'm kidding, we're not THAT bad. (except for the part about not having a single diaper, we actually are that bad) We just haven't purchased much in the way of baby equiptment, but we I have everything all picked out. Here! Just see for yourselves: 


OK. Confession: maybe it doesn't have EVERYTHING on there, but what can you expect from a first time mom? You should have seen how dumbfounded I was when I clicked on the bottle section of amazon.com!  Why on earth would they need that many different types of bottles?! So, after a slightly major meltdown I picked one or two types to try out. I figure if we like them we'll get more. I'm still not even sure if they'll work with expressed milk. I'm not that clueless about everything baby, just bottles and little things like that where there are 57.34 trillion options and they all have 4 star ratings. 

Oh! I also recently broke down and bought my first maternity clothing items. I got two shirts that I love and two different colors of bands to hold up my pants. I love them, except they only sometimes hold my pants up. If I bend over or sit down too many times without adjusting and I run into problems. I've come to terms with the fact that pregnant ladies aren't meant to wear jeans comfortably. Mostly the reason I love them is because I can look like I'm dressed but can still have my pants unbuttoned. For those out there that are still lost on what I'm talking about, they're basically just spandex tubes you wear around the tops of you're pants/skirts/slacks.  

Anyways here are some pictures!

This was at 27 weeks
And this is how much I've exploded to at 30 weeks!
 I know it kind of looks like I've got a volley ball under my shirt, but it's just baby. Kind of depressing, hu? I've outgrown my baggiest tee shirts and have now moved on to Ben's. Honestly, I think I'll out grow his before this kid is done with me. 

11.19.2012

Unbuttoned

The good news is that I can still fit into the clothes that I wore pre pregnancy. Can I still button up my jeans? yes. Will I go crazy after about 5 minutes of having them buttoned? yes. Solution:

Rubber band  
Alright so maybe it's a little ghetto, but if I hadn't blogged about it none of you would know the difference. Plus now you'll have a trick up your sleeve for when you ate a little too much turkey . :) 

24 weeks
Just a short post this time, but the only thing I've been up to is being pregnant.