So Much For Sanity

You know how some times life just happens and it keeps happening and before you know it it's been two months since your last blog post? Well I sure do. I'm not even sure where to begin...

I suppose I'll start with the part where I went crazy. At the end of May my very best friend in the world got married, and you know I HAD to be there. However, since Ben is in school this semester and then there's always work to worry about, he wasn't able to make it. Which means it was just me and Ian (at three months old)...in a car... for 917 miles. Actually, it went better than you might think-still no peaches and cream, but we made it from A to B in a similar mental condition to when we left. Instead of putting him to bed at night in his bed I tucked him into his car seat and drove as far as I could only stopping for gas. Since he sleeps through the night pretty well I made it over half of the way before I had to do anything baby related. It ended up that the first time he woke up we had made it to my friend's house where she kindly let me take care of Ian, fed me and watched him while I caught up on a bit of sleep. The good news is that I had already been through the newborn stage with Ian so no sleep at all is really just a touch under what I was used to. After morning came is when things got rough. I had to stop every so often to feed him, meaning the second half of our journey took about twice as long (or more) than it should have. Then somewhere in the middle of the Arizona desert I had to pull over and try to calm Ian down. After that much time in a car seat I probably would have been screaming inconsolably for 20 minutes too. I figured out that singing hymns is the only way he would be in the carseat and happy content. After about the 80th time through  each of "families can be together forever,"  "a child's prayer," and "I love to see the temple" I pulled up to my in-laws with a very sore throat and heavy eyelids. The way back went much better in that it didn't take near as long and worse in that there was a $90 speeding ticket involved. ("Do you know how fast you were going?"... is that a trick question, officer?)  I was hoping Ian would start screaming his head off and the officer may have let me off with a warning, but of course he was happy as a clam, cooing and carrying on... figures

During the week that we were in Arizona, I reached the conclusion that being a single mom sucks. Now, since Ben is in school and works, he's not able to do a whole ton of stuff with Ian, but it's nice to be able to hand him off while I take an extra long bath or not having to change all of the diapers or having that extra pair of hands when I need to make the most an hour. Also, Ben is really awesome at carrying the carseat for me, I built some serious muscles during the week I had to do all the baby hauling. 

When we got back from Arizona I had one day to recover and then I started back to work. It's now been one month that I have been back and I hate it. I hate leaving the baby that I LOVE with all the fibers of my being to go and do a job that I am less than crazy about. My co-workers are still awesome, even though they're mostly different from the ones I left when I went on maternity leave. Almost everyday I come home and remind Ben about me wanting to quit my job- I'll wear him down soon enough. We never intended for me to return to work for very long, I just think we had different definitions of "not very long;" for me it was a few weeks, for Ben it was a few months. It's mostly so I can pay off all of the insurance premiums that didn't get deducted from the paychecks I wasn't earning on maternity leave. I'm starting to wonder if insurance is even worth having... Someday when I don't work anymore I'll be able to clean my apartment and possibly even cook meals again! Back before I was a mom, I always thought that I would want to be a working mom, because staying at home, and "not doing anything" would drive me nuts. I was wrong- so very, very wrong. After having maternity leave and returning to work again I can now say that there is no job or career that can ever measure up to being the person that is here to take care of my home and my young family.

Anywho! That's life lately. Nothing too exciting I know, but really, what where you expecting?

{Moral Of the Story
Don't go back to work after having a baby, it will just break your heart.