My Conversion Story: work in progress

It always happens. When ever other Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) find out that I'm a convert, they want to know my "story." So here it is.

I was first introduced to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints through my life-long friend Hannah and her family. They were my next door neighbors when I was two and stayed there till I was 16. When my parents got divorced and my home stopped feeling like a home, I went to theirs and things where better. As long as I have had memories they were there, and still are. 

Periodically throughout my childhood I would go to church with Hannah. I liked Sunday school because the teacher was fun and that long quiet meeting wasn't so awful, at least they had songs. But Primary, Primary was awful. Everytime they would ask who was a visitor and then they would sing to you. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I was a shy kid. I was comfortable being invisible- want me to feel welcome? treat me the same as everyone else. Besides, how many times does a kid have to show up before they stop being a visitor? I vote once. After being sung to one time too many, I told Hannah to let me know when she get's into Young Women's, I'm out.

A few years later it was time for Young Women's. And Girls Camp. And Mutual. Yes, I could get used to Young Women's, and I did. (It helped that they never singled me out and sung at me.) There I made a few more friends and by the time I got to High School, they were my best friends. Hannah and I went to different High schools for the first 3 years so I had to branch out a bit anyways. 

Also when high school started I began going to seminary, to learn more I guess. If you were to ask me then why, as a non-member, I still woke up for early morning seminary I would have shrugged and said something like, "I dunno, cuz I want to." Now looking back I can tell you that it was because starting everyday learning about the gospel just felt right. 

By the time my Sophomore year was wrapping up I realized that I was no longer just going to church and seminary and mutual because that's where my friends where, I was going because this was the true church. I'll say that again, THE true church; not just a true church but the one and only. I also realized that now, with the infinite wisdom that come with being 16 years old, I had a decent chance of talking my dad into letting me get baptized, after all I had been "investigating" for over a decade. 

I went over to Hannah's, which was now across town instead of across the yard, and started taking the missionary discussions from Elder Hulse and Elder Kunz. We made it through one, maybe two discussions before they called their mission president and told him I could probably teach them the discussions and to ask if it was OK to baptize me without finishing them. Sure enough, I was baptized in a white dress on April 7th 2007. Later I would go through the temple and be sealed to my husband for eternity wearing that same white dress. 

So that's it; that's how I was baptized. But that's not the end of my conversion story. No one's conversion is finished when they come up from the water. Conversion is coming to know Christ. I know Him better now than I ever have, but not nearly as well as I mean to. It's a process that will take me the rest of my life, and I look forward to it. 

p.s. you should watch this. 


I wanted him so much that I have come to need him.

When I first met Ben I was, what I would classify as fiercely independent. I did my very best not to rely on anyone for anything too important. Fast forward almost three years later; I'm sitting in our tiny apartment that we have lived in together for the past two and a half years, taking care of our six month old son, and procrastinating housework. Tomorrow, you'll find me doing the exact same thing. And the next day. And the next day. (maybe somewhere in there I'll stop procrastinating the housework-maybe.) All the while my dearest husband is out there working 15 hour days to meet our little families needs and to finish school so that he can continue to do so as our family grows into a not-so-little family.  

You see, before I actually knew Ben I guess I just wanted a husband to grow old with, someone to live life alongside (granted it would be an eternal life), and share memories and children with. I thought that was what marriage was. Then I met him, then I fell in LOVE with him. After that- the idea of just living parallel to him could never be enough. I wanted to be with him and be connected to him in a way I'm not sure there are even words to describe. I wanted our lives to be embedded in each others in a way covalent bonds wouldn't even compare! 

Today I happened across this article. It talks about how men have a tendency to make themselves needed because (subconciously or otherwise) they don't believe that they're wanted. It is written on a "men's blog" as though it is a men's issue, and I guess in the sense that it's an issue that men have, it is. However, why do you suppose that men have trouble believing they're not wanted- that they're only a creature of necessity? I can only speculate that the answer is because we (women) have done or not done something to make them feel that way. Or perhaps because the desire to be needed is in their divine nature? Hum. Yes, I think I like that answer better. But that's not to say that the women in their lives shouldn't be involved- quite the contrary.

In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." we can read (among other things) that "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." You see, I have loved being able to provide for myself, in fact it was a matter of pride with me and I have felt a little guilty the past 2 months for not bringing home a paycheck. It was hard for me to fall into being completely dependent on my wonderful husband to meet my needs because it put me in a vulnerable position; I don't know anyone that likes being vulnerable. 

I want to be better at relying on Ben because that is how I can sustain him as head of our household and develop a stronger foundation of trust in our marriage. I want him to be the best man he can be, and I want him to live up to all he can become. That starts by living up to his duties as a husband and father.

I want him embedded so badly in my life that I need him to take care of me and our family. I bet if you were to ask him, he would tell you that is what he wants as well.